I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
