4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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