I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
