shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize