You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
