yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
