I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize