Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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