I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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