Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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