i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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