I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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