So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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