you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
