"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
