I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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