She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
