In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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