Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
