He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
