ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
