thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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