there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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