Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
