his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize