first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
