u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
