I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
