If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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