but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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