I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
