well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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