I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
