When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
