Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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