He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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