One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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