He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
