If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
