I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
