How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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