if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
