i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
