just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
