He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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