Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Welp...herpes.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
