Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
