I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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