Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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