i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Are we still banned from the library?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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