after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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