best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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