I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
I think she lost me at about the point where the words โIce Cream Enemaโ were spoken.
Randomize
