I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
