the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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