I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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