I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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