Define "chronic" masturbator.
I bet he comes in French.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
