Welp...herpes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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