and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
