i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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