Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
