Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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