And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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