There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
