Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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