is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
