from now on my penis is your penis
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
