he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
