I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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