Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
