I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
