I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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